Don’t like yours much:
This time of year the NFL reaches the point in the season where players and coaches mostly worry about the playoffs: where they’ll be seeded, if they have a legitimate chance at the Superbowl, or booking sex holidays in Mexico if already out.
Only the truly committed are still playing hard, i.e those earning most of their annual pay off stat bonuses, or they have themselves in a keeper fantasy league. (By the way, how often do you think that happens? Like, if you were LeBron James or Adrian Petersen, you’d HAVE to take yourself in your fantasy team no?)
The only real thrills are off the field: whether the truly incompetent coaches will FINALLY get fired, whether completely valid steroid suspensions will be avoided via expensive lawyering, or whether its a good idea to take an unlicensed handgun with you on a night out.
INTERESTING NFL GAMES
HOUSTON TEXANS v GREEN BAY PACKERS
Its never easy replacing a legend, but neckbeard Pack QB Aaron Rodgers has done a good job. However, while a great player, he may not be a born winner. That must completely suck.
Houston are always between going somewhere good, or staying in mediocre limbo. Sort of like trying to decide if its worth driving down to the pub, or cracking another one open here on the couch. Then you hear someone in the kitchen and bingo! decision made.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS v DALLAS COWBOYS
If you’re not reading Drew Magary’s brilliant fake conversations between Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and his coach Wade Philips then I’ll wait here til you get back. Just genius. God knows what Wade ‘s family think of them. Awesome promo for this game running on ESPN for their pregame show: ‘Find out how Big Ben gets more time in the pocket’. Um, what?
This is the problem with most professional leagues in any sport: at some point the regular season ceases to matter, and everybody is just playing things out while trying not to get hurt.
Thank Christ then we have College Football.
Answer this: outside of the Olympics (and that’s very debatable), when was the last time you watched amateur sport on prime time TV?
And those amateurs regularly draw crowds of around 100,000 to each game, and have the most rabidly passionate fan base outside of a South American soccer team?
This counted toward his final painting grade:
Because in the US, that’s what college football is.
Whenever I watch a college game (and I catch maybe 4 or 5 a week) I can’t believe they don’t pay the players. Ok, yes, they are attending schools that cost $50k a year for free and they get all the blowjobs they want (see below) but still. This is HUGE business, and most of these guys will never graduate or make the NFL. The rules are so strict that its actually illegal to give a player a lift in your car unless you know them personally. You can’t let them stay in your house or buy them a movie ticket. If you get busted your college career is usually over, your school gets severely punished, and you have to date Kim Kardashian.
And the games are usually incredible. While the NFL is about grinding gameplay between usually equally matched teams and true standout players are rare, at the college level its still possible for one or two players to completely dominate a game. Defenses tend to be smaller, so you get a lot of exciting vertical passes or long runs.
The wild throwing Texas Tech feasting on Oklahoma State (with AC/DC soundtrack):
This Saturday two of the best college teams in the country meet in the SEC championship.
The Alabama Crimson Tide ( yes, it’s where the sub in the movie got its name) meet the Florida Gators.
Now, we could talk about their various players, tactics etc, or we could decide on who has the hotter coeds:
Florida 43 Alabama 26. Go Tebow!
(Ok, so at Thanksgiving dinner we were somehow discussing the sex lives of professional athletes, and a woman says, that yeah, her ‘friend’ once went out on a date with a college football stud. Everything was going great, and they get back to her house and they start making out in her kitchen. Then suddenly he sort of stops and just stands there. He’s expecting to just be serviced. ‘It was really creepy,’ she said. ‘She still blew him right?’ says I. ‘Oh yeah.’)
– Mark Tierney