Believe it or not, this is football related:
Ok, now I’ve got your attention, I’d like to introduce Tony Romo, quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys, currently 8-5 and playing for their playoff hopes against the defending champion New York Giants this weekend.
Hehe! I live with Jessica Simpson and earn $12M a year! Your life sucks!
He’s talented, if a wee bit of a choker in big games, and apparently a VERY nice guy. He also bangs Ms Simpson whenever he wants. And before that, another singing southern belle, Carrie Underwood. He obviously has a thing for big haired blondes with hideous musical aspirations. Not my thing but nice work buddy. (My thing? One word: plushie) Which is why it was strange when he was accused this week of cheating on his star receiver with his ‘roommate’ and best friend Cowboy Tight End Jason Witten.
Ok, it was only in a football sense, but the way Terrell Owens put it, you would have thought that he’d found Witten ‘accidentally’ fellating Romo behind the lockers after practice. Terrell is miffed. He says he ain’t getting no Romo love, that Romo and Witten are having ‘private meetings’ late at night to plan ways of NOT getting Terrell the ball during games. Because, he implied strongly, you know, they is both white folk. And he is a superstar black man, who cannot be denied.
This might be ok if it were true. But it turns out that Romo throws the ball Owens’ way more than to anyone else. By a significant margin. And Witten is Romo’s ‘check-down’ man, or the guy who gets thrown to only if no-one else is open or Romo’s being pressured. So in effect Romo usually only throws to Witten when the rest of the team has totally fucked up on the play. Only rarely do they design the play to go to Witten. Owens is always, ALWAYS the first strike weapon on a passing play. But apparently not enough for Terrell’s tastes.
This is not the first time Terrell has gone bonafide nuts. He actually implied directly in 2004 that his QB in San Francisco, Jeff Garcia, was homosexual. In 2006 he called his black Philedelphia QB a liar, ‘tired’ and a servant of the white man. The guy is an absolute nightmare. He may even be bipolar, after a sort-of, maybe, suicide attempt in 2006.
Absolutely not gay Jeff Garcia (now QB in Tampa):
Definitely not homophobic for any obvious reason ‘receiver’ Terrell Owens:
If this was a normal season for Dallas, no-one would care. They’d just shrug and say in a West Texas drawl (think Woody Harrelson in No Country), ‘well, that’s just Terrell. He may be fast but he is one nuts ******’.
But this was a team with very high hopes for 2008. Whose owner Jerry Jones, a maniac in his own right, is opening his $1.1B extravaganza of a stadium next year, and needs to sell a whole bunch of seat licenses for between $16,000 to $150,000 to break even. Yes, $150,000 just for the right to buy a $400+ ticket per game. Let me quote from the Dallas Star Ledger:
“Experts say the value will fluctuate based on the team’s performance, economic conditions, and how successful the original sales program is.”
Well the second part of that is already completely screwed, so now its up to the first, and an open race war has broken out in your offense. Excellent. This is going to be fun.
Will feature the world’s largest Jumbotron and seats at $75k per asscheek:
NEW YORK GIANTS v DALLAS COWBOYS
The Giants need this bad, even though they are only a two-loss team. The Cowboys need it worse and are at home and dysfunctional. Romo threw 4 picks his last game, but can turn it on if he has to. Both have good running games. Too close to call.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS v ARIZONA CADINALS
Arizona are celebrating winning their division last week, and earning their first home playoff game since 1947. The Vikings are celebrating Visanthe Shiancoe advertising his penis on FOX. It’s all good.
BUFFALO BILLS v NEW YORK JETS
This is the ‘shoulda been a Contender’ game. Both teams started the season well, but have fallen into holes they can’t seem to get out of. Will be entertaining just because watching Brett Favre work in cold weather is always amazing. Its like he becomes a Finnish Rally driver whenever it snows on the turf. Unbeatable. Go with the Pack-, er, the Jets.
TAMPA BAY BUCCANNEERS v ATLANTA FALCONS
There are now 4 seriously good teams south of the Mason-Dixie line, and this is two of them, playing in the pass friendly confines of the Georgia Dome. I’ve seen a few games there, and its a racetrack. While I have a man-crush on Tennesse’s Jeff Fisher, Tampa’s Jon ‘Mr Intense’ Gruden seems like one of those sales assholes from work who turn up to your BBQ and are ultra-competitive about everything. ‘You call that a BBQ? Mine’s a 4 burner with the extra grill’, ‘You call that a car? I got the V8 with the HEMI’, ‘You call that a wife? I just got mine to get an extra 70cc put in’. Dick.
An excellent excuse to run another pic of Tim Tebow’s girlfriend:
This is Heisman weekend in College Football. In US sport the Heisman is like an Olympic Gold, a Knighthood and an Oscar all rolled into one. One collegiate player is honoured every year, and only one. For the rest of their life, no matter what else they do, the word Heisman will be mentioned with them. Even if you’re OJ Simpson (he won in 1968 by the biggest landslide vote ever).
This year the three hopefuls are Sam Bradford of Oklahoma, Tim Tebow of Florida, and the gloriously named Colt McCoy of, you guessed it, Texas. All three are upstanding poster boys of the American Dream, and they are all terrifically talented. In the vein of last week’s College discussion we will judge the winner not on their stats etc, but by the coeds from each school:
Um, I’m sorry. What was the original question?
– Mark Tierney