Liveblogging: Sunday’s TV3 News Sports Bulletin

Continuing the DeadBall tradition of quality sport reporting, and keeping the media honest, here comes the first in a regular new series of live blogging – the Sunday news sports bulletin. We will be mixing things up, sometimes covering the TV One bulletin, sometimes the TV3 bulletin. But don’t expect any warning as to which it will be – we’re not telling you until the live blogging begins. Get used to it.

Tonight, it’s the TV3 “Super Sports Sunday” bulletin. Anything could happen here. Will it be Pickles or McKay? Will there… will they… anyway, you get the picture… this is going to be VERY exciting!

6.30 – Uh-oh, it’s six thirty, and there’s a story about Christmas, Christchurch, or something else beginning with Christ. It’s certainly not sport anyway. This can mean only one thing – Super Sports Sunday doesn’t exist any more! This is already much more exciting than I imagined. Oh yeah, it’s a story about World Vision, a black man and his goat.

6.33 – Still no sports news. I’d much rather be watching a story about XMAS LIGHTS anyway:


6.36 – It’s Michelle Pickles!! She’s doing the pre-bulletin/pre-ads intro. The NZ cricket test gets a mention, so does the Aussie test, and the big one… Breakers baby! Pickles is wearing an eye-catching orange number up top. Not sure what, if anything, she’s wearing below. See you after the ads…

Dominoes are continuing their price-gouging of the pizza market, how do you fight 3 for $25, even if they’re rubbish? With Hell retrenching and Pizza Hut still pretty tired, they have a real chance of closing out the season with a W here.

6.40 – And we’re live. McIntosh’s century predictably leads, and Michelle seems a little wooden, before transferring to David DeSouma. He calls McIntosh ‘ungainly’, which is probably fair, but kinda understates the magnitude of the event. “The afternoon session started shambolically”, and they run a triple-replay of the Powell incident, some insane shit. That wicket we picked up before close was extremely important. Brody’s angry they didn’t mention that he batted for 7 hours (a long time, for non-cricket followers) and that they failed with the alliterative associations of “languid left-hander”. But 8 out 10 for that item.

6.43 – We’re over to Australia. And this beautiful little thing that’s brewing over there. Mark Nicholas finally gets off Australia’s dick long enough to congratulate Graeme Smith in the strangest of ways:

"O-o-oh you gutsy man you"

"O-o-oh you gutsy man you"

6.45 – A wildly inaccurate high-five quickly followed by a leaping fist pump by Brett Lee. This test match has it all. Haddon is Ramdin’s spot as the worst international wicket keeper in the game – drops a shocker. Replay shows that it may not have carried. Still, no retraction from this live-blogger, Haddon has got to go.

6.46  – Bill Lawrie with a “He’s out! Yes!! No!! For the record, it never looked close to being out.

6.47 – Breaking News! Pickles is back and it’s NBL time. Check out the big pun on the big LCD:


6.47 – It’s the Breakers first win EVER in Perth, but the story opens with footage of a Wildcat (not an actual “wild cat”) hitting one of his 6 first half shots (from 6 attempts). Perth’s home stadium is not a patch on the North Shore Furnace. Their court surface looks intact for a start, so the Breakers are playing on unfamiliar territory here.

6.48 – Comeback time! Ronaldson scored 31 points for the Breakers – we see a ‘framed-from-the-rear’ shot of Ronaldson hitting a 3 pointer. And just like that, the story is over. What was that, like 40 seconds? Come on! That was history!!

6.49 – Beckham’s gone to Milan. He still talks like a chimp. Or a chav. If a chimp was raised by chavs, it would sound like Beckham. Someone needs to check his birth records. His entire career might be in breach of regulations.

6.50 – Great Britain are back as a combined rep side to play in the 2012 Olympics. This is actually a big story. “Winning, losing: look how much it matters,” is ITV’s quote, which makes no real sense. They wheel Gordon Brown out to dribble into a microphone about the situation. He’s on a strange lean.


6.51 – I guess this means England, Ireland, Scotland etc (that’s you, Wales!) have officially decided they’re too shit to ever win anything alone again. It would be sad if it didn’t make so much sense.

6.51 1/2 – Another Brown speaking, this one even older. He’s worried about the culture. Aren’t we all.

6.52 – Holyfield’s increasingly tragic saga continues its downward arc, losing to the very Christchurchly-named Valuev in a split decision.  He’s 7 foot tall. We need more movies about people who are 7 feet tallwith weird eastern european names.

6.52 – Pretty picture:


6.53 – SULTANS OF SKID! What the f*** is this doing on my TV? A big skids competition, sponsored by Red Bull (duh) and you’ve got to skid for the longest to win. NOT SPORTS!!!! Officially not sports. Also involves fixed gears, therefore should be illegal. People like this are involved:

Mr Cool

Mr Cool

6.53 3/4 – Alistair Wilkinson just said “tires of fire” in an extremely sexy voice. Carolyn robinson looks flushed. Wilkinson’s supposedly gay, so she better not get her hopes up. That’s us. See you next sunday, when we’ll do one of the other channels!

– Duncan and Justin (with supporting comments* from Brody and Dave).

* Brody is not at all happy with his supporting comments designation “I came up with some of the best ideas”. Not true, people.


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Filed under Basketball, Cricket, Kirk Penney's Hair, LiveBlog, News, Soccer

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