Guest Post: A Return To Action

It’s a glorious feeling waking up in the morning knowing that right before you are three back to back games of premiership action. And so without further ado, some observations:

Fact of the week no. 1: Aston Villa’s 1-0 victory over Portsmouth was their first at Fratton Park in 34 years.

Fact of the week no. 2: That Villa win was also a club record sixth consecutive away victory. Next up Blackburn Rovers.

Fact of the week no 3: £23.5 million combined is what teams have paid in transfer fees alone for Emile Heskey. The Donkey scoring a typically scrappy goal first time out for his new employers.


Fact of the week no 4: Jermaine Defoe continued his record of scoring every time he has played Stoke City in his career.

Fact of the week no 5: Manchester United have now gone 1032 minutes without conceding a Premiership goal, passing Chelsea’s record in the 84th minute of their game against West Brom.

Fact of the week no. 6: That wasn’t the only defending record achieved in that game; 11 consecutive clean sheets is also a new mark.

Manchester United cuntiness level: This measurement, that surely needs to be added to the Actim stats package, sees the number rising quickly up to the percentage of Coen brother movies in which Frances McDormand has appeared. For the current league leaders to beat the bottom placed team 5-0 is nothing unreasonable but in everything there is a manner in victory, just search Micah Grimes of Covenant, Texas to see where running up the score gets you. Leading 2-0, and with the opposition captain sitting on the sideline having been sent off, watching the way the world club champions pranced, pouted and preened their way through the second half was sickening.

A crazy and captivating aspect to this year’s Premiership race is how ridiculously tight the bottom of the table is. It’s so tight that a team like Spurs can go from the doom and gloom of being in the bottom three to being in contention for Europe with just one win. If they were going to choose a team to get that win against it would surely be Stoke City who have not won at White Hart Lance since 1975. With further woeful predictions in this regard able to be made on their away record that has garnered three of a possible thirty-six this season.

That leaves just three further questions from this game; is David Bentley playing more like his Blackburn self because he has been returned to his favoured right midfield position, or is it because he has finally lost that late 1950s account executive hairdo? How bad does the summer signing of Heurelho Gomes look when the third string stopper from Chelsea is your starter less than a week after joining the team. Also, with the amount of sideline advertising for Maxxis cycle tyres in English grounds, their ad agency does know that they’re booking football hoardings right? I think I saw more cycling related signage in this game that the week long Tour Down Under.

With no Premiership action, or its replacement FA Cup, on our screens this weekend I went for a little trip down to Turin for the Serie A clash between Juventus and Fiorentina. For a league that is known more for the style of its coaches than the style of play this was a captivating game.

Cesare Prandelli

Belying a 1-0 scoreline the action was flowing and non-stop with Juve able to go top with a win and Fiorentina trying to keep touch with the leaders both teams sought the result with all of their being. The initial plan was to just watch the first twenty minutes or so to see Pavel Nedved and the return of Buffon in goal until del Piero did this. (Watch closely from the 40s mark)


A pass that somehow broke through the ring of five Fiorentina players encircling just him was almost as special as watching him sulk and throw things when he got substituted late in the second half. It wouldn’t be a truly memorable Italian game without at least one blatant instance of referee bias to the home team and so thankfully Massimiliano Saccani was there to not give an obvious penalty or allow the Gilardino equaliser because of a dubious offside call. As perfect as a purple puffer jacket.


– Teeth Benitez



Filed under Football, Guest Post, Premiere League, Soccer

4 responses to “Guest Post: A Return To Action

  1. Without wanting to ruin an otherwise excellent post,can I just point out that its Wigan that Aston Villa play next,not Blackburn Rovers?
    What price Heskey to score against his old club?
    Speaking of donkeys,I also think it wont be long before Tony Adams gets the chop.

  2. Can’t believe they paid so much for Heskey. And now apparently they want Owen… They didn’t seem to be doing so bad with what they had. And Man City missed out on Kaka, but don’t worry they got Bellamy?! How about a defender or holding midfielder? Hope the Gunners get Arsharvin and then all will be right in the world again.

  3. Owen would make more sense for that team, at least he’s fast and skillful. Wigan is Villa’s next game but that one is at Villa Park so it won’t count towards their consecutive away wins record.

    Speaking of Gunners transfers, I watched AC Milan this morning and up pop Flamini (what a great transfer that was for him went from being one of the most talked about midfielders to making his 15th appearance for the year) and Senderos who solidly allowed a late equaliser like usual.

    Some great games in Italy atm, Totti has scored one and set one up in the first half all while wearing a scarf.

  4. Day

    I second the call for a new ‘cuntiness’ stat, absolutely priceless. The ManU games were good fun to watch and even better after to trawl through the WestBrom forums, how blinkered are they? Their defense was atrocious.

    ManU bossed the game and yes the ref was a bit of a wanker, especially this moment –

    Carson (the WBA keeper) walked slowly up to Rob Styles – who was already writing out a ticket – and says something. Styles does like a double-take as keeper starts turn away and shows the card to Carson’s back! I’m sure he never realised he had been booked. I’d love to know what he said to him.

    Hesky has always been a donkey I’m really surprised he’s stayed in the prem.

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