In the tradition of “the time I wrote a DeadBall post after watching the final of Mitre 10 Dream Home” comes the new post written whilst watching the final of Hells Kitchen Season Something. I haven’t watched this season at all, but the re-cap intro had me rooting for someone who was culled last week – her name is Corey, and she’s cute in an unorthodox way. But she’s already gone, get over it – Christina (25) and Petrozza (46) are left to fight it out.
Meanwhile, I feel I can’t let the Houston Rockets disappear into the night without giving giving them their dues. A team that breezed past the fancied Trailblazers (remember when Portland were the only team in the West that would trouble the Lakers?) with relative ease, they somehow managed to stretch the Lakers to seven games – without their two biggest stars, and refusing to playing offense properly. Pure grit, aggression, and (Battier’s stink-palm) in your face defense was enough to snatch three victories in the series. However, it was the personalities, rather than the play, that really shone. In particular, Ronald (Ron Ron) William Artest Jnr, and his post-match comments.
(Hells Kitchen) Ad break. There are a lot of asians on Lost now. Or at least, that’s what they want you to think…
Ron Artest demands respect, so who’s going to argue with his taste in commercial-based pop music? These comments, made post-Game 6 (do wins bring out the best in Ron Ron?), give rare insight, not only into the iPod playlist of Artest, but into the complex workings of his mind. One of the most feared competitors in the league has very definitive opinions about which jingle music should be played in clubs:
“Five dollar footlong (Subway!!) is one of the best songs, that’s a hot song. You’ve got the freecreditreport.com, and then five dollar footlong comes on. When five dollar footlong comes on, they should play that in the club. They should play all those in the club.”
And to his credit, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS:[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM_znsNfhmU&feature=related%5D
(Hells Kitchen) Do these people live in an actual house? Cause it looks like a lean-to on the back of the restaurant, which itself looks like a lean-to on the back of an abandoned aluminium joinery warehouse. I wouldn’t eat there.
Quote: “Chilean Sea Bass is one of my favourite things to put in my mouth.” Petrozza
You only need to watch 24 seconds of this clip:
In one 24 second burst Ron Artest successfully confuses the shit out of everyone (maybe losses bring out the best in Ron Ron). There is a slim possiblity that this story could be real, that someone actually killed a kid by spearing him with a table leg. This would at least offer some explanation of the origin of the path that Artest has forged for himself over his years in the NBA. Is his constant simmering aggression just childlike fear being processed by a monster of a man who doesn’t yet know how to deal with it? Personally, I think he’s telling fibs.
(Hells Kitchen)I’m picking Christina to take this thing out. Petrozza knows that he has his work cut out for him – better than having to cut it out yourself, but still, not ideal. Ad break. The Ghost Whisperer. Jennifer Love-Hewitt isn’t the woman I fell in love with back on Party Of Five – and it’s not about the weight, she just hasn’t aged well. That’s two Party Of Five alumni ads played during HK… Whatever happened to that boozing idiot Bailey and his giant-mouthed little sister? She was super annoying.
I’m not sure who I felt most sorry for on the night of Game 7 – Luis Scola, or his identical twin Russell Brand:
(Hells Kitchen) They’re judging the first challenge. Petrozza has taken a 2-0 lead in the race to 3. The next judge goes with Christina. THe next judge also goes with Christina! It comes down to the deciding vote, and they’re amping up the strings & drums. Drama! Judge is chewing… judge is frowning… strings…. drums… Petrozza wins?! Buggar and bollocks. Don’t get emotional, this is only a challenge, it’s not the – hang on!! Whoopi Goldberg just walked in! Is she funny? Is Whoopi actually supposed to be funny, or am I missing the point with her?
On the Scola tip, just how influential have the Europeans been in recent playoff matches? Gasol top scores in Game 7, and Turkoglu top scores in the other Game 7. Boom – chalk a couple up for whitey! Scalabrine, you will be missed.
It’s the last day in Hells Kitchen. EXCITING! They’re picking teams from previous contestants. Christina picked Corey first – we’re on the same page, Christina and I. Corey is weird-hot. I like that. OH SHIT!! This wasn’t even the bloody final. They’re telling me I have to tune in for the final next week – this shit pisses me off. Don’t do a recap of the season at the top of an episode unless it’s the bloody final! I wouldn’t have watched this if I had known – I would’ve watched Target, and then Money Man…