OK, so sometimes I have to actually work for a living. So this week it’s strictly the facts. And tits. Whew, thank god for the tits.
SKY 2 4.30pm MONDAY (delayed)
DETROIT LIONS v MINNESOTA VIKINGS
Wow. Talk about age vs beauty. Last week septuagenarian Brett Favre handed off to the awesome Adrian Petersen (see below) and the Vikes won. Same recipe, new week. As long as they can stop Favre throwing the ball, they look REALLY good. This is absolutely the most nuts strategy in the NFL. Bring in, at HUGE negative PR cost, a veteran legendary gunslinger to stand around and hand off. Make that a VERY EXPENSIVE veteran legend gunslinger. Well, can’t argue with success I guess. Meanwhile blond, blue-eyed Matthew Stafford was drafted by the Lions to usher in a new era. Not this week. Perhaps not ever. The Lions get shellacked, and Petersen beats his 180 yards from last week.
David Fincher’s new Nike ad starring the rather alien-like Mr Petersen:
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS v NEW YORK JETS
OK, the Patriots looked rusty last week and the Jets looked really good. Appearances can be deceptive. Rex Ryan’s cool voicemail aside I think the Pats show real dominance here, even though they are on the road at New York. The big battle will be in the chests of women everywhere (and more than a few gay men) as the two major dreamboats of the NFL face off. To choose the real winner let us compare their girlfriends:
NEW ORLEANS v PHILADELPHIA
Drew Brees is an enigma. He’s apparently a very nice guy, plays hard, a terrific quarterback, and will one day take Dan Marino’s record for passing yards in a season. Why then do I dislike him so much? Because I do. I really do. Totally irrational. Philly meanwhile now has a surfeit of quarterbacks after signing the great bald one Jeff Garcia this week. The rather inept Kevin Kolb is due to start, but come on. If McNabb (injured last week) can’t go next week or Kolb makes a dick of himself early in this one (highly likely) then Vick will enter next week, backed up by the able Garcia, who may actually see action in this game after being on his couch a week ago. I’d love to give this to Philly just for releasing the very annoying reality star Hank Baskett, but New Orleans look too good. God I hate Drew Brees.
NEW YORK GIANTS v DALLAS COWBOYS
Dallas are finally starting to look good now that Mr Romo’s banging some new young tail and Mr Owens has left the (very large and very new) building. The strange career of Eli Manning continues, but its the return of stud defensive lineman Osi Umenyiora that is the real difference here. Mr Romo will taste the fine new turf at the new Dallas stadium many times in this game. It’s close this one, but Dallas take it.
– Mark Tierney