Category Archives: Fandom

Fuck the Commonwealth Games

I was trying hard to think of some witty and sophisticated way of articulating it, but I failed very badly. So ‘Fuck the Commonwealth Games’ is what I came up with. Apologies for the wanton vulgarity, but it really bugs me on so many levels that this joke still persists.

You know a rubbish when it’s put in the shade by the Goodwill Games. The latter was Ted Turner’s give-peace-a-chance, made-for-ratings spectacle that attempted to provide a de-politicised Olympics where everyone had a cuddle afterwards instead of boycotting and bombing each other. It peaked around the time the Cold War de-frosted and the Berlin Wall came down, and shriveled out with some Rugby League World Cup-style scheduling irregularities. But at least it was open to all, with world class competitors and world records set by global superstars like Sergei Bubka and Jackie Joyner-Kersee.

The Commonwealth Games are the limping, leprous corpse of the Empire Games, an exercise conceived as an excuse for Britain to lord its dominance over the nations it had enslaved. They finally removed the overbearing nomenclature in 1978, but the stink of colonial oppression remains, even though the Commonwealth itself has ceased to have any relevance to anyone – unless you count their weird quasi-Survivor habit of kicking out the worst of the African Dictators every few years before readmitting them after suitable shows of contrition. Continue reading



Filed under Athletics, Fandom

The Tall Blacks & Their Fans: A Study in Contrasts

The Tall Blacks campaign is over. I’m sad, but it’s tinged with hope, because this was largely a young team which will build anew from here, and there was something a bit magical about their play at times. But more on them later. There’s a more pressing issue which needs addressing.

The New Zealand fans. The guys above embody all the worst things about our national team supporters – particularly those overseas with the light on them. As Silvio Dante would say “disgusting”.

Where to begin? Homemade singlets, for starters. I would kill for a legit NZ singlet. They’re sponsored by f***ing Amway! That’s pretty much the top tier of absurd national team sponsors I reckon. But wife beaters and vivid? C’mon bros, step your game up. Secondly, the bowties? Is it a stag? Please let it be a stag. But even if it is, they’re at every game in that artless get-up, shaming our nation worse than Sonny ‘the rapist’ Shaw – who thankfully didn’t make the trip.

Beyond that, the haka? Jesus Christ. It’s bad enough that the Tall Blacks do one – and it’s Ka Mate, one indelibly associated with another New Zealand sports team, who they’ve already punsomely swiped the name from. But fans in the stands, all white, completely out of time, in f***ing bowties and wife beaters? Please, no. Instead, a fan of a very different age and gender lit my fire during the champs:

Continue reading


Filed under Basketball, Fandom, Kirk Penney's Hair

Five Things I've Thought This Week

1. Brendan McCullum should not be putting out a book

2. This Tour de France has a reasonable chance of being one of the best ever.

3. I don’t think I’ve anticipated a non-All Blacks game of international rugby as much as this weekend’s Tri-Nations game in a while.

4. Jesse Ryder’s career might already be over.

5. Brendan Telfer and Dale Budge worked far better than I thought they would.

Read more detailed analysis of the above after the jump. Continue reading

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Filed under Basketball, Cricket, Cycling, Dead Ball Icons, Fandom, NBA, Rugby, Rugby league, Tri-Nations

What The Warriors Can Learn From The Thunder: It’s All About Chemistry

No way out

It’s really tough to not let yourself get sucked into this Warriors team right now. They’re a side which wasn’t expected to do much at all this season by pundits or fans, with an awkward combination of very raw kids; over-the-hill, injury-prone vets clogging salary space and head cases in their line up. They had just changed captains in the off season, and there were whispers about the coach and the front office staff – John Hart in particular.

So to find ourselves well inside the eight in mid-July is surprising to say the least. Even better, they’ve done it with most of their salary cap on the sideline. The team which won against Parramatta two weeks back had an average age of 23, and around 50 NRL caps apiece under their belt. Apart from Brisbane’s injury-ravaged start, there won’t have been many greener sides fielded this year. They were without captain Simon Mannering, Steve Price, Brent Tate, Joel Moon, Lance Hohaia, Jacob Lillyman, Kevin Locke, Sam Rapira and Wade McKinnon, who they’d parted company with earlier in the season. They’ve gotta be $2.5m, easy.

They got Mannering back for the weekend’s match away to Penrith, and turned out the most heroic defensive game I’ve ever seen. Shayne Hayne’s preening, patronising, astoundingly incompetent performance was exactly the kind of spanner which would have seen a slender 12-6 half-time lead become a 12-40 full-time thrashing in pretty much any previous Warriors team. We’ve never handled adversity particularly well round here. But despite what no less an authority than Bob Fulton called “the worst refereeing performance in the last 20 years”, those young dudes just put their heads down and tackled like animals for most of the second half. It put this year’s Origin to shame for tenacity, and created some of the most infuriating, enthralling sport you’ll in this or any other year.

It was a game that will become part of the side’s lore, that will live in the memory of fans forever. But it should also be a salutary lesson in where this club’s strength lies at the moment, and how it should spend its money. This winning streak is not being created by the big dollar Australian imports (though the attitude and work ethic of Michael Luck was written all over that win). It’s young, hard, unflashy home-grown kids who are doing it. They are deserving of their spaces, they’re playing together and for each other, they have incredible chemistry, and it is precisely the latter which I think is most valuable, and makes the rumours swirling around the likes of Steve Matai all the more worrying. Continue reading


Filed under Fandom, NBA, NRL, Rugby league


This decade: The Lakers are going to fade, and then the Thunder will take over the West. The Thunder will be the Anti-Heat, the Cool.

The narrative: Good vs Evil, Ambition vs Ego, Organic vs Processed, Basketball vs Fame, Homemade vs Store-bought, and (counter-intuitively) the Old Model vs the New. The Heat could become so dominant in 2-3 years time that other superstars have to team up to compete. If CP3 doesn’t join the Super-friends, he will join Carmelo plus one. Continue reading


Filed under Basketball, Fandom, NBA

Darts Hotties Take a Different Root

So my wife was watching English Premier League Darts coverage (no explanation necessary, right?) and came across these charming images. In the first, you’ll see a hand-made sign, made by some darts fans who decided to get creative with the sponsor’s message boards and vivids.

Despite Van Barneveld being just a point behind Wade, your eye just can’t help but be drawn to the massive Whyte & Mackay sign’s message. It was gone from the screen in an instant, thereby revealing the identity of the ‘she’ who ‘♥’s anal’:

Chavs, aye?

– Duncan


Filed under Fandom, News

Shortland Street: The End of the Affair?

Hey so I know it’s been like three months since we did anything on DB, but I’ve been busy, and the other bros have been useless*. Anyway, it was a pretty momentous night on the Street. A lot of chickens came home to roost.

Without further ado, here’s the story, inna narrative style. of how TK and Sarah came undone, with commentary supplied by R. Kelly, Pat Benetar and, uh, Joey Tribiani. Enjoy…

'Here I am, quickly tryin' to put on my clothes'

"Why do you hurt me so bad?"

Well it's just that I'm in the middle of a root with Maxy here, you know what I mean? Plus I don't love you anymore and I'm a little bit sick of how you're always pretending you don't kids etcetera

"there's total silence, blood everywhere/ Confusion on their faces, as they continue to stare"

Continue reading


Filed under Fandom, Reality TV, TV