Aaron and Duncan chat about the return of Tiger Woods, with particular reference to the creeping racism of the Augusta establishment. We also discuss Steve Price’s slide from sainthood, the Warriors slip up at Manly and NZ Swimming’s embarrassing disconnect between the hype and the results.
Category Archives: Golf
In honour of this week’s non-entity recap episode, featuring about 30 seconds of unseen footage and a whole lot of reiterating what the hardcore ALREADY KNOW, we’ll do a similar thing with the Power Rankings this week. Because I know what you teenagers get up to when NTM isn’t on, and I can’t let the first ever copy of New Zealand Truth Weekly I’ve ever bought go to waste.
Basically this post will attempt to emulate the recap by synthesising the first five weeks of competition into one, and extrapolating the chances of wining the big prize based on that. While the Power Rankings lean heavily on that week’s episode, with a Hollinger-esque ratio taking into account previous wins, momentum and potential upside, the fixed price odds are less results driven than that, based entirely on the remaining models’ chances of actually winning the whole thing.
1. Christobelle $3.50
Watching the recap you got a sense of just how stealthy Christobelle’s rise to favouritism has been. In the early episodes she was just another frivolous, pretty young thing, cracking jokes and cruising through. It was only with the makeover that you got a sense of how bad she wants it, and the way she turned the disappointment into a victory straight afterward pointed at the steel behind those doe eyes. DeadBall can reveal that The Truth’s screaming headline “TV CATFIGHT” uncovered little save a spoiler alert regarding the two finalists (predictable, and almost certainly conjecture). Apparently poor Christobelle’s parents are divorcing, though quite how the juxtaposition of her and the number two on this list with the word ‘catfight’ related to the piece is beyond me. I just hope all those amazing headlines regarding Vice Girls in the past had more substance behind them. In any case, the main reveal was that C-Belle’s surname is Grierson-Ryrie, which sounds appropriately posh I reckon.
Key quote: “I think it was quite mean of me to not care that Hosanna was crying. But I had more important things on my mind.”– Christobelle on Michael Hill Jeweler shoot
Coming to write this I was a little shocked to realise that we’ve not written about golf directly yet here at DeadBall. Shocking because it sorta feels like the biggest sport in the world when you’re watching it, and also the most democratic. How else could you explain the three Jesse Ryders going at it down the stretch for the Masters this morning?
Angel Cabrera, Chad Campbell and Kenny Perry average 41 years of age and 104 kilos. Take professional golf away from them and they’re just a trio of bypasses waiting to happen. But this morning they combined for a finish to a major sporting event as good as any we’ll see this year, and for all the sheer exhileration of Tiger storming home to win a Masters, there’s something heartwarming about watching three regular-looking guys trying to keep it together with the weight of the world on their shoulders.
I think maybe the funnest part of the championship was everything from the 17th hole on, when it seemed like all three were doing everything in their power to lose the green jacket (jncidentally, is that the weirdest prize in pro sports? a jacket you couldn’t possibly wear anywhere apart from the golf course where you won it? I want a replica real bad). As soon as Perry realised he had a two-shot buffer, it’s like Cabrera and Campbell gave up, while Perry himself just went to pieces in the most heartrending fashion. It was only when they got within 20 metres or so of the hole and realised that the thing was on the table for all three that they played some shots of quality. And the first playoff hole was even crazier. Continue reading
It was a good year for choking. The greatest choker of them all, Greg Norman even sealed the year by upping his record for turning 54 hole leads in the majors to 72 hole losses to six. Because he’s 53 we can’t give him the trophy*, and it was pretty amazing that he even got into position, but to close out with a 77 on the final day of the British Open shows that Norman can still choke with the best of them.
Anther great choke came from the Melbourne Storm, who won the NRL’s minor premiership then shambled through the playoffs, losing to an inspired Warriors side and then getting pantsed 40-0 by Manly in the final. In the US, it was hard to go past the Patriots passing up a chance at joining the ’72 Dolphins in the history books as they parlayed an 18-0 season into a Superbowl loss against wild cards the Giants. The only thing that saved them was the manner of their defeat, beaten by a moment of genius.
But for New Zealand sports fans there was only one truly great choke this year, and the title couldn’t have gone to a nicer team… Continue reading
Steve Williams, perhaps New Zealand’s highest paid non-sporting athlete, drunk a little too much at a charity event the other day. Ended up calling Phil Mikelson a “prick“. He also relayed a particularly embarrassing story regarding Mickelson’s man boobs. When defending his statement Williams remained oddly cavalier, stating, “I don’t particularly like the guy myself. He pays me no respect at all and hence I don’t pay him any respect. It’s no secret we don’t get along, either.”
Switch tack to the Black Caps. Our good friend Craig McMillan has called Jacob Oram out for being “wrapped in cotton wool“. Oram latter delivered a terse response, like a refined character from a F. Scott Fitzgerald novel . “I understand people who have never bowled a ball in anger in their lives having a bit of a go at me for potentially being on the soft side, but it’s extremely disappointing to come from an ex-teammate,” he said. After which he sighed, took a sip of whiskey and turned his attention to the guests at the dinner party. Seems like a dark cloud has descended over the gentleman sports. I say, good show!