I have a long and distinguished career as photographer, using my trusty Nokia to snap pictures off the TV, but the above image might be my all time favourite. You pretty much have the entire plotline of Friday’s episode right there: Christobelle, Laura and Ruby continued their dominance, and love each other (for now). Victoria just isn’t quite there, though desperately wants to be a part of any gang that’ll have her. Teryl-Leigh and Hosanna are nowhere to be seen.
Anyway, self-congratulatory photo analysis aside, it was a pretty fantastic episode, and one which finally saw my rankings hold something close to correct. Bottom placed Lucy bade farewell to the show, poignantly on the brink of their doing something proper fun. So her final memories of the show will be linked for time immemorial to the musty, overpriced corrugated iron walls of Savemart New Lynn and and a catwalk outside the offices of Universal Music (one of the sexiest locations in New Zealand), while the rest of the models jet off to LA and a date with Nigel Barker. Harsh time to get cut, but really, we couldn’t be taking her tearful ass to America as one of the half-dozen hottest gals we’ve got, could we? It’s bad enough Hosanna’s on that plane…
1. (Last Week: 2) Ruby
She won the week comfortably, and is just brimming with confidence right now, after once again letting her natural charisma outshine the pack. In the same way last week’s show felt a little rigged for Laura, this one came good for Rubes: a cute, smart and talented designer in Abby to work with and an expression, joy, which is hardly a stretch for her. The best moment of a dominant week? How she channelled joy: “I was actually thinking about the time my friend at school fell off her chair frontwards and smashed her head on a desk.” Two lessons in that, fellow models: 1. Schadenfreude comes naturally to Hastings’ finest, so don’t go expecting pity when you’re forced to, say, go braless down the runway. 2. Ruby might actually be psychotic. Which as Naomi Campbell (and Tyra, for that matter) has proven time and again, is by no means an impediment to success in the fashion kingdom. Continue reading
It was a bad time to be a bobble-headed alien on NZNTM, as Rebecca-Rose defied the prayers of a nation to be sent home. She didn’t have the greatest week, but the way both the ‘experienced’ (took her less than 20 secs to bring that up) models got sent home in consecutive episodes seemed kinda suss to me. I seem to remember one of the Sunday papers outing RR and Ajoh as having already been signed and working in the industry, and it’s kinda convenient for the show to have those potential scandals averted.
That being said, her photo was awful, her jaw seemed detached from the rest of her face in a shoot which should have worked for her, so maybe she deserved to go. Plus she totally tanked in the Vodafone Select Live assignment, and then had the breathtaking lack of self awareness to tell us “I surprised myself today. I may have that x-factor”. So she gets some comedy points. Before we get to the rankings can I just say that the NZ Music Month stuff on the show was somewhat ridiculous. Hosting a TV show is not remotely a modeling assignment, and how Autozamm got that gig I will never know. Their whole career is a mystery, and that spot required star-power on a scale they simply don’t possess. Oh well. To the rankings!
1. (Last Week: 1) Laura
In many ways it was a turning point for Laura. No longer was she the underdog, and it showed. The way the judges got her tooth fixed was, frankly, bizarre. Lucy, TL and Ruby spoke up about it, and I think they had a point. It looked like favouritism, but worse, the crooked tooth was a core part of her charm. They airbrushed Cindy Crawford’s mole out in her early shoots, before it became what she was famous for. I feel like the tooth was Laura’s mole, and am correspondingly less enamoured of her as a result. She did have a strong week though, superb photo (though the tears afterward were entirely superfluous) and while she was sorta vacant in the TV spot she wasn’t as achingly awful as many of the other girls. She’s now in the driving seat, and the new tooth just put a big target on her back. How she responds will decide her fate. Continue reading
"I'm not a stripper, so I didn't go anywhere near that dirty pole."
In honour of this week’s non-entity recap episode, featuring about 30 seconds of unseen footage and a whole lot of reiterating what the hardcore ALREADY KNOW, we’ll do a similar thing with the Power Rankings this week. Because I know what you teenagers get up to when NTM isn’t on, and I can’t let the first ever copy of New Zealand Truth Weekly I’ve ever bought go to waste.
Basically this post will attempt to emulate the recap by synthesising the first five weeks of competition into one, and extrapolating the chances of wining the big prize based on that. While the Power Rankings lean heavily on that week’s episode, with a Hollinger-esque ratio taking into account previous wins, momentum and potential upside, the fixed price odds are less results driven than that, based entirely on the remaining models’ chances of actually winning the whole thing.
1. Christobelle $3.50
Watching the recap you got a sense of just how stealthy Christobelle’s rise to favouritism has been. In the early episodes she was just another frivolous, pretty young thing, cracking jokes and cruising through. It was only with the makeover that you got a sense of how bad she wants it, and the way she turned the disappointment into a victory straight afterward pointed at the steel behind those doe eyes. DeadBall can reveal that The Truth’s screaming headline “TV CATFIGHT” uncovered little save a spoiler alert regarding the two finalists (predictable, and almost certainly conjecture). Apparently poor Christobelle’s parents are divorcing, though quite how the juxtaposition of her and the number two on this list with the word ‘catfight’ related to the piece is beyond me. I just hope all those amazing headlines regarding Vice Girls in the past had more substance behind them. In any case, the main reveal was that C-Belle’s surname is Grierson-Ryrie, which sounds appropriately posh I reckon.
Key quote: “I think it was quite mean of me to not care that Hosanna was crying. But I had more important things on my mind.”– Christobelle on Michael Hill Jeweler shoot
Filed under Awards, Golf, News
"I'm not a hooker!"
It was an emotional round for everyone on NZNTM. Some of the key contenders had very forgettable weeks, old nags found new life in their brittle bones, and one of the early favourites had to pack her knives and go.
The ejection of Ajoh, far more so than Rhiannon’s departure last week, signaled the end of innocence for the models. To see her and Rebecca-Rose’s googly head alongside one another in the bottom two was the first real tremulous moment of the series, and in sending home one of the strongest competitors for one case of the bad attitudes (“in Africa it’s not good for girls to open their legs”!!) they signaled that they’re prepared to do like they need to, and shed some potential winner’s blood from way out.
A quick mini-ranking of the judges first up: CMJ comes out on top every time, but I’m mystified and half in love with his bizarre clanging outbursts; first “it’s like they’re putting on make-up in a trainwreck” (not during one, but rushing to the scene simply to pretty themselves up? Amazing.) and now “she sat on an energiser battery and started going crazy!”. For a guy who can be so cutting and articulate they feel almost calculatedly awful. Sisarich is in danger of being too cool for the show, needs to engage with the drama more, while Sara is definitely improving, but still plays the model’s mom over the arch dismisser, and needs to get harsher for sure. We probably need even more tears, terrifying as that sounds. Anyway, to the rankings:
1. (Last Week: 6) Laura
The light in the eyes is strong with this one. After a disastrous showing last week, that made you wonder whether the Wellingtonian had the right head game to take the comp, she pulled out a stunning reversal. Her form through the trying gymnastics round was immaculate, and showed a determination and engagement with the process that had been hitherto hidden from view. It was a week tailored for the Warehouse catalogue set (TL, Victoria, Lucy) over the young and couture-centric ones, and for her to back up her win in the gym round (and strong showing with the props) with a big day behind the wheel with some Michael Hill Jeweler (for some reason that felt even cheaper than Hannahs) on her arm was all the evidence you needed that this girl came to win. Continue reading
Filed under Motorsport, News
Round three of NZ’s Next Top Model took place Friday, and after the tumult of the first couple of weeks we’re starting to see the competiton settle into some kind of order. The trash has been largely wheeled out the door and the contenders are starting to make some serious moves, so I figured it was time to launch our NZNTM power rankings.
Inspired by the ESPN’s on the NBA and LeagueHQ’s on the NRL we’re going to rank the contenders on their momentum and recent form, and try and predict who’s next in line for elimination, and see who’s making the right moves to take the whole thing out. Power rankings, for the unfamiliar, are based on form and a team’s general outlook, rather than where they might be positioned in the competition. While there’s no official ladder for NZNTM, it’s pretty clear that Teryl-Leigh would be atop it if there were, with her surfeit of wins in the first couple of weeks. Power rankings would suggest that there’s a new challenger they need to pay attention to.
She’s looked like the quiet achiever from the start, a sunny personality belying a steely determination, and she picked the right time to turn it on, with a stunning catwalk performance, and while she let herself get phased by the rigours of the makeover, she pulled it back together for the shoot. Her only issue now is that she’s clearly in everyone’s sights, those models don’t fuck around when they see someone trying to take their contract, and will be scheming for her downfall at every turn. Continue reading