Tag Archives: Los Angeles Lakers


This decade: The Lakers are going to fade, and then the Thunder will take over the West. The Thunder will be the Anti-Heat, the Cool.

The narrative: Good vs Evil, Ambition vs Ego, Organic vs Processed, Basketball vs Fame, Homemade vs Store-bought, and (counter-intuitively) the Old Model vs the New. The Heat could become so dominant in 2-3 years time that other superstars have to team up to compete. If CP3 doesn’t join the Super-friends, he will join Carmelo plus one. Continue reading



Filed under Basketball, Fandom, NBA

Sunny Side Up

The men above have a combined age of 73, comfortably past pensionable in any nation on this earth, and well past the time when most sportsmen have become figureheads or locker room guys or whatever. Instead this Suns team is two nil up over the NBA’s answer to the Canterbury Crusaders (© Justin Warren), rendering all cheap jokes irrelevant. This Suns team, two years post-D’Antoni and at least three since they should have ceased to be relevant, are suddenly the most logical challenger to the Lakers repeating in the West.

I downloaded the game from bt.davka, only after being driven mental by my non-functional league pass subscription. Once again, do not buy that product. Stay on the illegal buzz. But anyway, something about the way the Suns play the game makes me think they might have the goods to stop the three bad old bears of the Lakers wreaking their havoc. Continue reading

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TRU WARIER (Infinite Jest)


So I come back from sunny Samoa to find that all hell is breaking loose in the NBA pre-free agency season. Rasheed Wallace, a favourite of mine, is off to the Celtics, a decidedly non-favourite of mine. Trevor Ariza is, quite rightfully, cashing in his great post-season run and heading to the Rockets. Ben Wallace is leaving Chicago for the Pistons, and the whole league seems to be after Grant Hill. Players are going cheap.

It’s mid-level exceptions all over the place so teams that are over the cap and can afford to be are spending up on some coupon savings. But the weirdest and most exciting news is that Ron Artest, the craziest dude in the league, is moving to Los Angeles to join The Lake Show. One of the most intriguing teams in the league just got a whole heap more interesting.

Now, most people know Artest for jumping into the stands and punching a white dude from Detroit. If you haven’t seen it:


It’s weird looking back on it, but these nine minutes changed the NBA more than some/most Hall of Famers. These nine minutes are the reason players wear those stupid military style shirts that their stylist bought for them. These nine minutes are why NBA players don’t release rap singles anymore. These nine minutes are why there are so many flagrant fouls called these days. These nine minutes made the NBA whiter. David Stern shat his pants. What could be more threatening to middle America and corporate sponsors than a black star running into the stands to beat on a white fan? They said it was a disgrace and it was violence and it was hell freezeth over.

Artest was suspended for the rest of the year ad from hence forth he was some kind of Stephon Marbury strain of cancer. This is what Cedric THE Entertainer thought of it:


Artest might not be entirely at fault here but still, he is insane. He tried to pull down down Paul Pierce’s shorts fer God’s sake:


So, Artest is insane and Kobe Bryant is insane – no need to discuss the myriad of ways Kobe will need serious therapy once his career is over. Lamar Odom is so insane that he looks and lives like he’s animated. I am barely exaggerating. He lives in some crazy surf Technicolored Disney World eating candy all day, smiling his face off. And Pau Gasol is questionable at best. When Pau Gasol is the most normal guy on a Championship-contending team, things are looking up for the NBA. I can understand people hating Kobe and I can understand hating Artest and this probably makes the Lakers the most love-em-or-hate-em team in a season of what is shaping up to be a powerhouse of love-em-or-hate-em teams (Wallace joining Garnett, Shaq joining LeBron, The Spurs just in general).

Artest is the bizarro Kobe. Watching them battle in the playoffs this year was like watching Kobe playing against a funhouse mirror, Artest distorting his every move. It is going to be something special watching these five guys try to figure it all out. Artest just could be to the Lakers what Rodman was to the 95-98 Chicago Bulls. With the big teams all pulling out all the stops in their grasp for the jewelry, I am counting down the days till next season.

– Henry

P.S. Read Free Darko’s piece on how this deal makes LA the most NY team in the League.

Oh yeah, and there’s Artest’s tribute to MJ too:


While I am here, did everyone hear Lil’ Wayne’s (not so) new song Kobe Bryant? Not his best work, but it was topical two months ago and you don’t get that many non-political topical rap songs nowadays (until the whole MJ thing I guess).

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NBA Finals Lakers Magic Basketball

Lakers win! 4-1! Odom wins a ring! Fuck, The MACHINE won a goddam championship. There’s hope for every misfiring Euro. Did he even score in the finals? I can’t remember. Anyway, one of us here at DeadBall is happy as Larry David. Oh, and Phil Jackson wins his TENTH title! Man, what a day. I am so glad things got better for Odom. Hopefully he’ll be back in purple next season. If they can afford both him and Ariza now. Players with rings are more expensive right? Continue reading

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There’s been so much to say about these NBA Conference Finals that I’ve been shocked into some kind of paralysis. It’s like when you’re trying to write an essay for school, become too interested in the topic and just keep reading so much that writing becomes an impossibility. With that said I feel like I should just throw it all up:
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Filed under Basketball, NBA, Playoffs


Celtics Warriors Basketball

For the past month or so ESPN.com has been barely able to contain themselves comparing the current Celtics season with that of the 95/96 Bulls. Will Boston make 70 wins? Will they match the record of 72 set by Phil and Mike in that fateful season? For some reason I really hope not. For this Celtics team to enter that most irritating discourse of ‘Best Ever’ would annoy me to no end.

While the scale is way out, I see (and dislike) similarities between the Celtics and my ol’ nemesis Lleyton Hewitt. Both are excellent athletes, both have won Championships, both are fighters/strugglers/HUNGRY. But both never shut the fuck up about it either.  The fist-pumping histrionics are all fine and well in the deciding moments of tight games – but all the time, every game? C’mon! Sure, winning the top prize in your sport gives you a certain amount of ‘bragging rights’ but there is only so much a spectator can handle before intensity fatigue blinds you to the many brilliant aspects of their game. Continue reading

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