Tag Archives: NFL

Guest Post: Previously on the NFL

Thank Christ himself: the NFL is back. No more feigning interest in Super-whatever-it-is-these-days, knockout-bound (however valiant) national teams, and local teams that continually break my heart: the real egos of the sporting world are back in town. It’s time for some emotionally investment-free big-budget television, folks.

So what’s changed? Well, a few things – but first, let the tired saying be rung true: the more things change, the more they stay the same. Which is, of course, to begin by saying that grizzled future Hall-of-Famer Quarterback Brent Favre is back from his third “um-and-ahh” faux retirement in as many years for his 19th season.

My gut says that Favre – who turns 41 next month and is fresh off an ankle surgery to boot – will be resuming the position on Thursday night (Friday daytime for us) and will probably be killed at some point this season by an overzealous blitz package. It’s worth noting that the old gunslinger did have his best statistical season under centre last year for the Minnesota Vikings (no mean feat, given his storied career) – but! He’s a year older, a year-and-gummy-ankle slower, and will be sorely missing his two top receivers for the first half of the 2010 season. The Vikings square off in the season opener for a rematch of the 2009 NFC title championship game against the incumbent NFL champions, the New Orleans Saints. This game will certainly not be short on beef after the beating the New Orleans D-line delivered to the old man last time, and is a definite must watch as the Vikings have sworn to “return the favor” this time around. Expect some spectacular hits on both sides of the football. Continue reading

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The Skinny Post: Muppets and Tits…

'That implement on the right. That's for medical use right?'

'That implement on the right. That's for medical use yes?'

Boy do I feel like crap today. Even Nurse Open Wide And Say Ah above couldn’t make me feel better.
Ok, that’s a lie. Do all nurses get ankle tats like that nowadays? That’s awesome.
But anyway, The Skinny Post comes live to you today from a sweaty bed covered in piles of viscous tissues and tv remotes.
See, now try and get that image out of your head. Continue reading

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The Skinny Post: What Are The Odds?

hard-eight-1997-paul-thomas-anderson-philip-baker-hall-samuel-l-jackson-pic-3
“So what you’re saying is, if I just keep saying motherf*cker non-stop in all my movies, I’ll never be out of work?”
“Yep.”

Last week I accidentally set fire to my penis.

No I didn’t, but good god it felt like it.
I went 0-4 in the first round of the NFL playoffs and lost money on a football weekend for the first time this year. It hurt. It really hurt. The Cards taking a lucky one off Atlanta I could live with. Darren Sproles almost single-handedly pushing out Indy? That one bruised me, but hey tomorrow will have me 50-50 right?
After the Ravens literally ran over Miami Sunday morning, I was wandering the house dazed and confused. For the final game of last weekend I was constantly shifting seats, rooms, watching, not watching, ANYTHING to try and unjinx myself. Even my lucky Obama baseball shirt brought no relief (yes I wore it Nov 4).
As the clock went double zeros and Philly had hammered the final nail in, I felt depleted, burnt out, a shell. I was DONE.
A future as a vastly more portly version of Matt Dillon in factotum lay before me.

But then fate intervened. Continue reading

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The Skinny Post – Frat Party In South Beach!!

Freud would love where they put the Gator logo:

gatorgirl

Thursday night in the US the College Football season climaxes in Miami with one of the best matchups all year, the Florida Gators v the Oklahoma Sooners. I wasn’t going to cover it because for some unknown reason SKY see fit to give you some very crappy advertorial Bowls (my highlight: the PappaJohns Pizza Bowl), but not the big enchilada.

When this is absolutely the game of the year.

So, between the shirtless frat boys doing beer bongs on Ocean Drive and 45 year old alumni greedily scanning the the escort ads on Craigslist Miami, there’s going to be a pretty good football game going on. Continue reading

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Guest Post: The Skinny Post – "Playoffs? Playoffs? Don't Talk To Me About No Stinkin' Playoffs!!"

Hey, I had to sit through The Women while writing this. Eva got me through.

Hey, I had to watch The Women while writing this. Eva got me through.

Recently, in an attempt at being a fair and honourable partner, I did my first session of Kundelini yoga.
Let’s just say it was an act of atonement for probable future sins. Most of it was cool. The exercises were simple but took real effort. The dancing and hugging was warm and real and fun. The 30 minute gong meditation rocked.

However, there was a whole boatload of singing. And the songs, one in particular, made me want to reach over to the next mat and rip someone’s throat out which may not have been the desired effect.

Continue reading

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Guest Post: The Skinny Post – “Playoffs? Playoffs? Don’t Talk To Me About No Stinkin’ Playoffs!!”

Hey, I had to sit through The Women while writing this. Eva got me through.

Hey, I had to watch The Women while writing this. Eva got me through.

Recently, in an attempt at being a fair and honourable partner, I did my first session of Kundelini yoga.
Let’s just say it was an act of atonement for probable future sins. Most of it was cool. The exercises were simple but took real effort. The dancing and hugging was warm and real and fun. The 30 minute gong meditation rocked.

However, there was a whole boatload of singing. And the songs, one in particular, made me want to reach over to the next mat and rip someone’s throat out which may not have been the desired effect.

Continue reading

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Guest Post: THE SKINNY POST: The Ohio Sucks! Bowl Bumper Xmas Double Issue

Not actually the coach of the Cleveland Browns:

Ah, the weekend before Xmas. I used to hate this weekend, as the
Listener
would put out their ‘bumper’ two week Xmas/New Year issue
(maybe they still do). I hated that issue. Nothing but lazy Best Of
lists, and nothing new to read for TWO WHOLE WEEKS. I used to have to
branch out to the really boring bits of past issues, articles on the
Wellington Ballet’s Summer Season, or the politics behind the Billy T
James’ Easter Special. Why couldn’t those lazy ass journalists put the
BBQ tongs and the tinnies down, get back in to work and put out another
issue? Leave me to listening to my grandmother’s bagpipe records and the
racing from Trentham why don’t you. Bastards.

Now of course, we have SKY, the internet, Xbox, text bullying and all
the other things that make being 12 in the 21st C freaking awesome. And
as an adult who pays US$250 a month for cable, I get televised sport on
every day off. Xmas Day here means only two NBA games, but trust me,
I’ll make do.
So in the spirit of that crappy bumper Listener issue, here’s a crappy
bumper NFL column: Continue reading

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